What women and men want

I have not been intimate with many women but from my limited experiences and from what I have been able to observe in the world, in many different countries, under many different circumstances, I am forced conclude the following thing. I cannot be sure how accurate it is and there are many other factors of course but there seem to be some prevailing truths which are undeniable and which are pointing in one direction.

I like so many other men have been wondering how is it possible that so many women fall for the wrong guy kind of guy. Why is it that dictators, tyrants, gangsters, drug addicts who distribute drugs and engage in crime and hurt other people, your local thieves and small time crooks and business owners who would do anything they can get away with in order to make a dollar regardless what it does to the neighbourhood  or their family or anyone else, how can all of them attract women. Don’t women see what they are. Yes women see what they are and they know what they are and no unlike what most men think women are not attracted to their dangerous nature or to their crimes. Women don’t care about what they do, who they hurt (other people, nature, environment), or why they do it. They don’t have time to care about this because they focus on receiving the men’s affection and don’t care what they do as long they provide that affection. Women don’t care about what men do and will support them in anything, war, crimes, in fact, often they will ignore the fact that their men are cheating on them as long as they feel that they are getting more of that man and from that man than the other woman, as long as their men give them the attention they want they don’t care. Women are attracted only to your ability to give them attention and spoil them. They don’t care if you are caring, considerate, kind, if you care about the world or if you care about people. Unless you are willing to give her the attention she wants, the way she wants it, when she wants it, it does not matter who you are, how decent you are as an individual, she will not be attracted to your decency, your kindness or anything you have, anything you have achieved, anything that is in your heart. They cannot be happy until they know that your existence is dependant on them or strongly influenced by them and not by something else, for example not by something that exists inside of you. You better learn to pretend that they are that important which is what most men do and which is why as we are learning now thanks to the internet, mobile phone and other technology, most men cheat and have multiple women, multiple families, shower them with gifts, and make them feel important, from everyday losers to wealthy diplomats, politicians, business owners, executives.

We are now learning that his has been happening for years, many of them having multiple families in different countries. As long you tell her you are cutting your trip short to see her or that she is the most important thing that is all that matters, how well you balance the rest of your life around your lies to her depends on how could you are at lying to other people and manipulating people. Or you need to be a natural liar and able to do it all without learning this, which is what I had to learn. If on the other hand you do not want to lie and manipulate then you are screwed. Once again the Wachowski brothers who created Matrix nailed it when they had machines tell us that they are more human than us. They said to us you are parisites. You use up one environment or person and move on to the next. If people see no use in you for their own needs and cannot make themselves valued through you or cannot make themselves feel important through you, you can be the most decent human being in the world, women don’t care. They don’t care who you are, what you are, wjhat you want. They have to use your traits, who you are, to make themselves feel important, if that does not happen you are no longer required. It becomes obvious then why there is so little love in this world. Anybody else can become that person. Anybody can replace you. What is sex. In and out. Anybody can do that. What is love. That strange mythical feeling and notion. Nothing. They don’t want you around because you are in the way preventing them from using somebody else being in order to make themselves feel valued.

What happned to love being the unique feeling. Like no other. A feeling of euphoria, aphrodisiac. One spirit in two bodies. Well I am told one is not allowed to think or love of feel love. Love is to be shown. It is an action. To be given to be received. It is not a romance I am told. Those things are not real I am told. It is only about what we can give to each other. It is not about what we feel. It is not about the feeling we share. Love is scratch my back when itchy or get the fuck out of here because there are others who will and who can do it better and I have to look for them. Because that is love. Because that is love I am told. That is more important. It is more important to shower with gifet and be there and tell lies than and never feeling anything on the inside because that after all is showing love. But showing what. There is nothing on the inside. Nothing to show. Nothing to feel. When you feel something, you don’t need to be reassured of it because you know it is there. You don’t need to love your fingers do you. You don’t need to buy them gifts to show them how much you love them. They are there with you. They are part of you. We don’t really believe in love. We don’t feel its magic. Is it any wonder than why we have no sense of empathy.  Is it any wonder why we use our intellect to construct weapons which kill, torture, humiliate, massacre and demean other human beings. No other being in the galaxy kills for pleasure, lies for pleasure, cheats for pleasure, hurts other people for pleasure. We use our intellect to hurt the environment, other people, the universe. We are the only species that does this. We know of no love of any kind. We don’t know how to love ourselves or how to love others. In fact we are so afraid of love that we find it impossible in the one thing that we have and that sets apart from all the other animals and from the rest of the universe. We are afraid to believe in the idea of love and that other human being can love us. In intimate relationship and professional relationships and international relationships. As long as the hearst are closed and we do not share humanity there is nothing that we can do prove our love to each other. No legal document, not marriage, no peace treaty, no gift which is a sign of sincerity, no peace keeping organization, idea or book, will give us what is already within us but we are too afraid to accept because the risk would be too great. The risk is us. Giving ourselves away. Submitting ourselves to somebody else’s hands. Other gifts and activities and peace treats and weapons of peace and trust and agreement and fail in comparison once you share the heart and experience the love. But this is too hard I am told. Impossible to achieve in love and in business.

People think that they are too important and their time too important to be wasted on such activities. Without realizing that this is the most important thing of all. They want results and they want them now. They don’t care how they get them, where are they from, or who is giving them. And that is why the good guys finish last. And I cannot tell small lies, white lies, or any kind of lie. To me the difference between any kind of lie, manipulation and truth is like the difference between galaxies. The concept of lying does not enter my reality. And people need small pleasant lies to keep them in their comfort zone. People who do not believe in anything, love truth, destiny, gift, can do anything to achieve any end result they are seeking fro themselves. There are no real principles for them to follow. No principles which make it impossible to do certain things. Anything goes because they don’t believe in anything. So there is nothing to prevent from saying wait. This is something which is not acceptable under any circumstance. End of story. There is nothing to negotiate. This is not a human thing to do. They can align with anybody to get whatever they can. But I will not stop living the truth. I will not stop being the truth. I will not stop being love. Because our decisions create our reality. And I will not live in a false reality and I will not cerate a false reality for myself or for others regardless of how comfortable it might be.
















Using the senses to see the relevant reality

Most people exist completely outside of the true reality and outside of the actual universe that we all share. They exist only within their own defined reality and anything that does not cooperate with their definition of reality is seen as foreign, strange, something which needs to be changed. They are so immersed in what they think is important that they cannot see that in their thinking and in their conversations they are constantly judging and criticizing other peoples’ actions, property, thinking, anything that contradicts their notion of reality. Their judgements and comparisons do not stop, they are ongoing. It is their way of existing. Indeed this is their existence. The purpose of their existence is to look for something that will make them feel better about themselves. They are so immersed in comparing, criticizing and talking about irrelevant physical objects that they have no time to consider the actual size of the universe and to try to place themselves and their notions of their own universe within the actual universe and to try to think if their perceptions of reality are important, relevant, or useful, or if they are damaging. That’s why they never become aware of the complexities of the universe and the true beauty that remains undiscovered until it is revealed in the moments of creative spontaneity. And because they do not see the universe  they cannot see its hidden beauty and that’s why they do not feel the need to look for it through the creative process and that’s why they have all the time to focus on the meaningless words, constantly recycling the words and recycling the meaningless daily habits which give them no satisfaction. They have been brought up in a particular universe and cannot begin to consider the fact that they are completely irrelevant, that all of us are irrelevant, and that the universe does not exist because of us. To them their existence is about them and not about anything else. To them they are the most beautiful and the most important thing and everything else is secondary. Anything else which does not comply with their definition cannot be loved. To be loved one has to give them what they need. Beauty on its own cannot be appreciated. But the only relevant thing is knowledge. Any physical items, building, objects, anything, are temporary concepts. They are cosmic blinks. The only thing that survives time is knowledge. Life is not about living the life you know but about discovering the life you don’t know. The more you do what you know you can do every day, the more you talk about the things that are familiar to you, the more you surround yourself with the people you know the less you grow, the less you can see the real universe. The problem is that most people do not want to accept the fact that the nature of the universe has nothing to do with our perception of it. When we ignore the facts and perpetuate racism, stereotypes, and prevent any new changes to social and political systems we demonstrate our inability to accept new states of being. If are to grow as a race we have to welcome new ideas, new directions, new states of being. The universe is not limited by our limitations which have imposed on it because of our limited senses. Any ideas we have about anything should be flexible and changeable. The problem is that most people do not stop to consider the size of the universe. If they were to consider the number of stars, the size of the space, they would realize their insignificance but they do not begin to comprehend the space around them. They don’t know where they exist. They cannot see that the point of life is not to define your own reality and exist within it, obeying the rules of the social etiquette, family tradition, or any other custom, the life is about discovering
the true state of the universe and that has nothing to do with our limited systems. We limit ourselves by existing within what we know. And we will continue to be limited and exist within what we know as long as we don’t give ourselves the permission to look around and look for and experience what we don’t know. The important consequence of all this is that most people never talk about anything of any consequence. They talk about what is relevant to them. But they do not talk about or look at topics which apply to all humans. What this means is that they do not care about or acknowledge the entire human race and its condition and its complexities. In their eyes they are doing the right thing thus by saying that they are doing the right thing they exclude themselves from the world. They think that they do not need to be part of the solution to the world’s problems because they are doing the right thing by being what they are. But by excluding oneself from certain portions of population and saying we are better than they are and they need to follow our example they excluding themselves from the entire human race. Criticizing what people do, how they do it, how they speak, how much money they have, how they dress, their social or political ideas, means that they are only talking about themselves, that is they think that they are talking about the difference and about how other people differ from them and from what is right or moral but if they were to focus their intellect and senses on the actual larger universe within which their universe exists they would conclude that the possibilities are endless and that by talking about how other people differ they are actually suggesting that the entire universe is wrong because it differs from their preconceived notions. But if different people live in different environments they will develop different ideas, perceptions, needs. Isn’t this normal. Is it impossible to accept them without talking about them as something different. Different from what. To each one of us the other is different but should not this point us to the higher logic here. We should conclude there is nothing different about anyone of us. We are separate entities. Only when we realize that we cannot be THE SAME TO BEGIN WITH will our intellect expand and stop to expect to see one race, behaving in one particular way. Only when we realize that we cannot be THE SAME to begin with will we realize that is there is no difference, there is nothing different about us, at all, in any way. We are all human. But we are unique. We have to accept our uniqueness and see it as uniqueness but not as a difference. People can wear anything they want, talk any way they want to talk, eat anything they want to eat, live anywhere they want to live, the universe is so large and choices and notions of aesthetic, love, design so different that it is impossible to determine which one is more valid. We should enjoy the universe. Not classify it in order to feel safe within it. By classifying it in order to feel safe within it we limit our experience of it.

A new form of civility

The world is so damaged on so many levels because most people do what they are expected to do and this means that they think of their behaviour only in terms of social expectations. They do not think about the ultimate truth or validity of their actions. Their judgement is affected by how other people perceive their actions. Whether other people are wrong or their ideologies incorrect does not seem to be something that an average person considers. We are forced to act social, to be seen as social beings. But just pretending and tolerating other people through social etiquette and political etiquette cannot create a true form of peace because the true intentions and feelings are not the ones of peace and what’s worse the true intentions have to be concealed and as we have not expressed ourselves and our  true intentions, feelings and ides, internal frustration builds up. But if each one of us were allowed to be and say and do what we believe we would not have any trouble accept any other individual without attempting to convince them that our idea is more valid, useful, productive, original, better, because we would know that we do not have to convince because we would know that they cannot be like us and do not need to be like us. There would be no imagined question in our mind, are they like me, what can I do to relate to them, do they differ from me so much that I cannot be around them, we would know that we are nothing alike but it would not matter. We form groups because we feel that other individuals in our group will support our ideas or at least not criticize for them. That’s what politics is all about. Manipulation, lies and deception are used as the main tools because the amount of mistrust is so great because the participants’ ideologies are so different that they are not able to tolerate each other’s views in any other way and are not able to communicate in any other way except by trying to manipulate each other and control each other. But if they were to accept the nature of their differences as a normality the fear caused by the difference would disappear and they would not feel the need to manipulate one another. But as nobody is willing to abandon the established pattern of thinking and behaving this cannot happen. Differences, physical and ideological, are not what separate us, they cannot separate us because we are united in our humanity, what sets us apart is the imagined consequence of the difference. Fear. We imagine that because people around us look different or think different or exist in a different environment cannot be the same as us. But their humanity is not affected by any of this. And it is this humanity that we share. Until we recognize this humanity in each other, and see through our differences, we will not be able to share anything.

Emotion replacing the need for intellectual story telling

The great misconception is that intellect, logic, and education are not the primary concerns of good stories, but that emotions are. On the contrary the art of storytelling is in the ability to start with pure intellect, a driving idea so full of humanity, originality and intelligence that it is unlike anything else currently available. Starting with a philosophical statement and turning it into a story which can apply to any human being anywhere, that is the art. That is why Aristotle’s characters continue to inspire. His characters are examples of his ideas. Today’s characters are as deep as their meaningless fashion statements permit them to be. It is up to us artists to make it our purpose to look for greater truths and find a way to shape them into meaningful constructs which can affect a large number of people. The arguments expressed in a good story and the core of the story have to be related to the deeper human psyche in ways which the audience is not able to perceive. The writer has to know how to encode the story. How to load it with hidden meaning which the audience might not be aware of but which is at work. This is what separates art from violence and action. Some say that emotion is the most important element of any story and I agree. But the process which creates the emotion or reason for the emotion’s existence has to be deep and life changing otherwise the emotion will not last long. It is when we are changed by the emotion because we have come to learn about its creation, about the reason for its existence that it stays with us. We experience many emotions every day but most of them do not stay with us. The ones that stay with us are the ones that have come from an experience. For example, we decide to take a trip, we search for a place which will offer something we have not seen before, because we want to experience new sensations, we go somewhere, we see something new, think about it, experience it, allow it to affect us, come back, think about it, allow it to change us, and we are left with a positive happy emotion about the place. The same with story telling. Viewers are searching for a meaning. But if there is nothing that will stay with them, if there is nothing that touches who they are when they are there in the cinema, if they travel and find the same thing they see and know, they might get excited by how it has been captured and preseneted but they will not be moved by the content and will not get in touch with themselves because they have not experienced anything new. The way the content has been presented is new but the content itself is not new. Violence, sex, drugs, and meaningless action are nothing new, regardless of how well captured they are. And all this is continuing to happen despite the fact that the general audience intelligence level is getting higher. Audiences are not looking for visual brilliance in ordinary stories. They are looking for extraordinary stories whose concepts are so brilliant that they cannot exist in ordinary environments. A car chase is car chase no matter how you film it. But an extraordinary story will dictate its own unique digital environment which will be beautiful, interesting and educational, and people will want to experience it again and again because as soon as they leave the cinema they will return to the reality and will yearn for the extraordinary story world and the emotions created by travelling through its exotic reality.

Perceptions limit our abilities and our humanity

Why is that so many people continue to see the world as a system of stereotypes. Sexist, racists, religious, class, biological, technological. They cannot see that the universe is so complex and that it does not exist in stereotypes and clearly defined systems, rather it’s like a large interconnected organism . They don’t know how to look at the universe and see its complexity so they reduce an infinite amount of elements to a number of cultural, religious, and scientific symbols and facts which they don’t have to change and which they can understand and they decide to ignore or simplify anything that is beyond their ability to define. It’s nothing more than an inability to perceive and accept complexities of the universe. And we think that the fact that we cannot perceive the true size, scope and complexities of the universe entitles us to limit the universe and give it some finite structure which will hold its borders in place. Our limited senses cannot even begin to anticipate what physical realities, chemical compositions, physical and non physical structures exist outside our spectrum of perception yet we define the entire universe according to our own comfort zone thus excluding what we find uncomfortable. De Bono suggests that errors in thinking are errors in perception. Perception or starting points of arguments cannot be proved logically, regardless of how logical you are, your conclusions will be determined by your starting point, not by the excellence of your logic. Logic from a wrong perception can give the appearance of a truth with a resulting action that can be dangerous. Logic cannot be better than perception. Unless the starting assumption about what the world is or should be or can be changes, logic will not change or create a new solution. He suggests that three things can improve perception. Attitude, Perceptual tools, Perceptual maps. Attention is a key element in improving perception. If we don’t direct our attention, we only see the familiar patterns. We have to set directions in which to look, and we have to consider possibilities and alternatives beyond our expectation, and we have to determine what is making us see the world the way we do. It is important to observe what your mind does when it is attempting to define or perceive something and determine what is the first thing that comes to your mind, then pull it apart and say why I have thought about it this way. How could I think about it in a different way.  You see a house and you think a box. An architect does not see a house nor does he think a house, nor does he think a box. He sees an area of space which can be isolated from the rest of the environment around it in an infinite number of ways, with a large number of materials, because he has trained his mind to perceive space in this way. A biologist might see it as an area of air, clean or polluted depending on what surrounds it, or anything else depending on what branch of science he or she is studying. We have to do the same with people and places. Never assume what someone is. Because you will be wrong because you cannot know the truth until you discover it for yourself. What you assume is an assumption and not the truth. And decisions based on assumptions are dangerous. What is even more dangerous is when you join a group and follow assumptions which are not even yours. Learn, read, investigate, question, look for new ways to see things and then make your decisions.