I have come to realize that when we find something unique within ourselves (unique but not special, not one of us is any more special than any other one) we realize how and why it defines us, we learn that we cannot give it up because we know that if we do we would no longer be ourselves. And when we learn how to see that same something ‘unique’ inside somebody else we know we cannot give them up because if we do we know that we would no longer be ourselves because they have become part of us. But if we have not found, within ourselves, that which defines us, then we cannot know what we are, therefore we cannot know who or what we need in order to make us happy.
We can perform any deeds. Good and bad. Legal and illegal. We can be pulled in any direction and shaped by anybody, because we have not defined ourselves. And that is why we cannot see that ‘unique thing’ inside somebody else, the thing that would make us think that they are worth keeping and doing anything it takes in order to learn how to love them.
If we cannot find enough courage to discover who we are and how to hold onto our very own selves and the belief which defines and creates all our actions then how can we learn what love is and why it is worth believing in and being committed to somebody else and their unique self. We cannot.
That is why we are lost. We are too afraid to ‘search’ ourselves so we search for the ideal mate hoping that they will be able to help us find and define ourselves but we cannot find the ‘right’ mate because we do not know what we are. Therefore we do not know what it is that they need to be in order to complement our own personality and make us happy.
So we keep searching for both, finding neither, and remain too afraid to believe in ourselves and that within is there is a unique feature which defines us, and express that which we are and have to be. So nobody can get to know us because we are too afraid to be anything else than what we think they need us to be. Therefore we continue exist as an undefined individual seeking acceptance and approval from anyone we encounter or anyone willing to offer them.