Our society was designed by the athletic but brainless macho male. The image of the sexy sexual woman projected by the media is not what women are or need to be, is it. Furthermore, all women feel sexual, they feel their desires, they feel intimate, multilayered, regardless of their size and shape. Those things have nothing to do with the media’s construct, which is designed by men, and which appears to say that only tall, slim blondes feel sexy and sexual. Or they do have something to do with the media construct to the extent to which women have come to accept that they should satisfy the male fantasy, or to the extent to which they have been forced to do so, by men.
Ever since the dawn of self awareness macho males have had very little time to consider and explore their thoughts, feelings, and desires. Hunting, gathering, fighting, that kind of stuff is what drives men. We are spending very little time getting to know ourselves, let alone women, therein lies our problem. For men sex is like a sneeze or an itch. You feel it, you scratch it, you don’t think about it again, until you feel it again.
In the western culture sex is not used to deepen one’s relationship with oneself and with the other person. Hence our general lack of awareness of women’s bodies and its needs. But even the briefest, most meaningless, most wild intercourse is a deep personal relationship because whether or not one realizes it, it affects him or her on many different levels. Any encounter is deep and powerful, though not necessarily long, stable, or permanent, for they shape how we feel about ourselves in the future. For sex has everything to do with the way we express ourselves, which is dictated by the partner’s presence. Their presence affects and determines how we feel about ourselves and them, therefore how we communicate our desires, especially secret desires. What we express and what we suppress and which one we think we should do moment to moment is what allows us to get to know our bodies. Yes, those thoughts, feelings, and desires which so many men never consider.
The extent to which we feel free to communicate our deepest expressions of ourselves and ask and allow the partner to communicate their deepest expressions of themselves and their desires so we can see them and absorb them and allow them to stimulate us so we can see how we feel about them and if they might inspire us to discover new deeper levels of expression and pleasure has everything to do with how intimate and satisfying the whole thing is. And how we communicate about all this, and if we do, shapes who we are and how we relate to ourselves, our children and other people.
So our ability to explore and get to know our bodies is determined by our ability to give and receive and how free we feel to do so. It’s why sex is linked with our sense of self worth. But like with so many other things we are not all that in touch with ourselves.
Sex is discussed, for example by many men right here, as if it existed independently of all the other things that happen to us in our lives when in fact all those things that happen to us are exactly what determines how we behave when we are supposed be our truest most intimate most vulnerable selves.
If we are not in touch with ourselves when we are not being intimate then getting in touch with ourselves and what we really are, our secret desires, when we are intimate with the other person is twice as hard, doesn’t happen, therefore we don’t learn about ourselves and our bodies and again it doesn’t help us get to know ourselves.
Hence for most people sex has to stay a pure physical stimulation because they are so self unaware they cannot begin to use and explore their mind or the imagination. I think while the clit is very important, it is not the whole woman. Men have to be interested in their woman and not the centerfold woman. Once they are interested in that particular woman, their woman, and every square millimeter of HER how can the exploration part be a problem. Plus the eastern philosophies on sex are far more illuminating. For the key to all knowledge is self knowledge.