A qualitative summary pending a quantitative evidence.
Most women give themselves to men, over and over and over again and get very little in return.
Not because men are bad but because men, or more accurately, most men don’t know how to love themselves or others.
Men don’t know how to love themselves because they never discover and accept their true selves therefore they never become their true selves so there is nothing to share with women or others.
What men share with women is ‘the absorbed character’ not their own individuality. It is why men are afraid of intimacy and love.
Men do not understand intimacy and love because they have not been taught how to understand and share them.
Because men don’t know how to be themselves they assemble what they think is their original character. However, ‘the absorbed character’ is a collection of others’ habits.
Men gather information from many different sources. From their fathers (who don’t know how to be themselves), from characters they see in films, books, comic books, papers, etc. (who don’t know how to be themselves), from advertising materials and from many other unscientific sources whose effects on the psyche had not been investigated yet have been accepted as normal.
Men don’t know how to discover, accept and love their true selves because they do not learn it from their parents. Most men’s parents had not learned it from their parents. The problem is a historical dilemma and could be traced to the origins of the instinct which could be traced to the chemical structure of the DNA, etc.
Unfortunately, most men are unable to admit that their parents do not love them the way they would like to be loved because it’s an insult to everything they are so most accept whatever is given and ignore their childhood problems.
All of us should accept our parents’ love for what it is and learn how to love them for whatever amount of love they can give us. It is one of the most difficult things to do. It’s why most people, not just men, never resolve their family conflicts. Most family relationships are ongoing battles.
However, all of us should be willing to acknowledge that ways in which our parents love us might not be what we need. It might be inadequate, it might be in appropriate, we might need them to demonstrate it in different ways and so on. We need to acknowledge it, discuss it with our parents, and use the information to improve ourselves.
Unfortunately, most men never consider such possibilities because they are too ashamed to discuss concepts like love, empathy and care, precisely because they have not been made aware of their own sensations and interpretations of love, empathy and care while they were children.
Men’s tendency to absorb habits is particularly observable in certain regions of The United States, Canada and Australia. The countries colonized by the European settlers.
I believe that is the case because certain regions (within the above mentioned countries) are located in particularly harsh environments where men had been forced to focus on survival. In such regions men have had little time to focus on their internal (emotional) states. Most of their time had to be focused on controlling and reshaping the environment.
Even though the environments have changed and living is no longer a risky business, habits do not disappear overnight. Many aggressive and violent behaviors are perpetuated because the nature of the social structure, or more specifically, the nature of the psyche of the men living in the above mentioned regions, has not changed.
The reason why men’s behaviors in such regions do not change is complex but it is directly related to the behavior itself. They perpetuate such behaviors by reinforcing one another. By absorbing and therefore exchanging aggressive and violent patterns of behavior they work together to ensure that any new ideas suppressed or eliminated.
The aggressive and violent behavior pattern exhibited by the men has had a significant impact on men’s intimate relationships with women.
Women’s natural desires for love and empathy have been suppressed by the macho male’s aggressive and violent tendencies.
Women in such regions have become submissive and expect violence, aggression and intimidation. Furthermore, I propose that women have replaced their own desires for love (as expressed through deep intimacy with men) with the macho male’s expectations.
Women have not become masochistic/submissive (I refer to emotional and sexual masochism and submission) because of their own natural desires but because of the nature of the environment and their social position. In the above mentioned regions women have unconsciously internalized the macho male’s set of sexual expectations and practices (as enforced by the male) and pushed their own desires so deep that they have become invisible.
Women have had to do it because it was the only way to form relationships with men and experience intimacy, even though it’s a degrading and therefore damaging form of intimacy.
There are many different levels of submission and domination and that is a field in itself. They range from open violence to very mild spanking. However a possible range behavior is not the purpose of this enquiry. Though this writer is troubled by all of them because all of them, even the smallest traces of them, suggest that the woman’s own desire has been suppressed.
So it is the macho male’s inability to recognize, accept and share its own true nature that has created a cascading social effect that reinforces itself (via its interaction with other men) and that has created a very aggressive, violent and competitive society, in which we are forced to live today.
Such aggression, violence, and competition extend beyond rural areas. Indeed, they occur in all major cities. However, the nature of aggression, violence, and competition in big cities is different, primarily because it is replaced by seemingly more civilized acts and activities. Work, business management practices, sports, various forms of ‘civilized competition’, none of them are our individual expressions of humanity, which is love. They are the plan we follow in order to participate in the male instinct driven game of competition.
Women who refuse to participate and who express their own individuality through decisions as well as through their sexuality are labeled as feminists, lesbians or are ignored.